


Living doll

by Owari26



Category: Bleach
Genre: Creepy, Dark, I have no excuse for this thing, M/M, Madness, Short One Shot, Violence, inspired on a poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:03:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18770809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owari26/pseuds/Owari26
Summary: What happens if Ichigo loses the one person he loves?Uhm...Yeah so this kinda happened xDIt's weird, it's first person, it's dark and kinda creepy and I blame ficticiousdelicous for writing me that poem. YOU GAVE ME CREEPY IDEAS!





	Living doll

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FicticiousDelicious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicticiousDelicious/gifts).



Eyes gazing upwards, I notice the blue sky. Endless blue without a trace of clouds, bright, soft and piercing blue. I hate it, it reminds me of better times, of those hauntingly blue eyes. I swallow the bile raising in my throat. Sitting on the wet green grass, waiting for my heart to calm down again. I take a deep breath, flashes of blue dance before my eyes. I can almost reach him, but he’s never truly there, it’s always just a flicker of a faint memory. 

Finally, the turmoil in my heart settles down, I pull myself off the ground. A couple nearby walks hand in hand, they seem happy, the fools. They should know by now, love hurts. But unlike almost all love songs, it’s not love itself that hurts, it’s losing love what hurts the most. How does that feel? Well, have you ever felt complete? Like you’ve finally found the imperfect piece that fits into your own soul and life is good. But it couldn’t last forever, happiness isn’t for me. One day, all my peace would end, just when I finally found the one thing I loved. It felt like something clawed itself inside and tore that part out. I screamed; yelled my pain but the blood was on my own hands. I guess I should’ve seen it coming, I was going to be the one to end his live, just like we promised each other so long ago.

_ Ichigo _ _ , stop, why are you doing this?  _

Stop pleading! My fingers brush through spikey hair, soft and framing a sharp cut face. I grab the scissors, sharp and new. Orange locks fall across broad shoulders. I walk around, admiring my project, it’s not the same, not yet, just a little more. Cerulean dye bleeds across my hands. I shape and twist until it’s almost the same unruly mess from my memory. 

But just like before I can see the blood on my hands again. I don’t even remember what happened exactly. We promised each other we wouldn’t hold back and I trusted him...trusted him to block my shots. But he betrayed me, he wasn’t as strong as he said he was. Or maybe I got stronger without even noticing it. But all of that didn’t matter because his blood is on my hands and there is  nothing  I can do to change that.

I can’t stand the pleads, it’s better to just knock him out. I’m sorry, I’ll find you a better body once this is over. There, all better. Empty brown eyes stare at me, it’s not the same but maybe that’s for the best, I’ve been haunted for too long by those blue eyes. I was afraid to sleep, feared the visions when I closed my eyes. But they weren’t innocent childish nightmares, every night was filled with the same blood on my hands over and over again. I cried myself to sleep, I was angry at myself, at everyone around me, at everyone acting like nothing happened. 

I grab a hold of his firm chin, he’s already quiet and beautiful, but something is missing, he isn’t perfect, not yet. 

Something glistens in the corner of my eyes, I grab it. The weight of the knife surprises me.  I expected it to be heavier. 

** King, there is no turning back after this, don’t lose yourself.  **

See, you think I don’t know that, but I do. I twist the commando knife a few times; it fits exactly into the palm of my hand. Why isn’t it heavier? My sanity lies on the edge of that blade, one cut and I’m falling off the edge. Maybe there isn’t much left of it and that’s why it feels so light. I start carving, slowly, one precise cut after another. Blood flows over my fingers and it reminds me again of that moment. You shared your last breath with me while scarlet blood flowed between us, you said it wasn’t my fault but I couldn’t believe that. I stared in horror, a trembling screaming mess as the life drained from your once vibrant blue eyes. I carried you to Inoue but it was too late. You dissolved into  Reishi  right before her doorstep. 

A few more cuts and it starts to look like something. I can’t really tell what you’re thinking, but I don’t care, just a little more. I flick the blood of the knife. Pieces of flesh and muscle hit the ground with a soft thud. It doesn’t look like the pristine white of your mask, but the blood fits. My hand traces the raw bone, at least the smoothness is the same, I can fix the rest later, I’ll modify you just right.

You know what the worst part is? Nobody cares about me being left behind. They said I had to move on, you were just a hollow. I’ve always been the one ready to help, throwing my life away for mere strangers. But the one time I needed help, they all turned their backs, left me alone in the rain. So, I did what they expected me to do, I pushed the pain away. I hid it all in the deepest part of my soul, were it festered and grew under a blanket of blue pain. On the outside I’m happy, a perfect mask glued onto my face, but inside I just ceased existing. You want to know how that feels? Well, it’s like you’re surrounded by an endless black sea, you can only hear the beating of your own heart and the voices screaming in your head. Shadows move outside that black sea but you don’t notice them, you just don’t care. And if you don’t reach the surface, you drown into the void where the world just doesn’t matter anymore. 

My knife traces along hard muscles until it rests onto that familiar place. Something is wrong, it’s not the same, not yet, almost perfect just one more thing left to do. I push the knife in deep, blood spills onto the floor. Around it goes, until I carved a perfect circle. There,  it’ll  be alright. 

I guess I should be happy, they made me hollow inside, just like you.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse xD


End file.
